What Is the Best Way to Deal With a Toxic Person?

People with ADHD are disproportionately likely to find themselves in toxic or one-sided relationships — not because of any personal failing, but because the hallmark traits of ADHD, including impulsivity, emotional sensitivity, and difficulty reading social cues, can make it genuinely harder to spot warning signs early or to act on them when they appear.

Why ADHD Creates Relationship Vulnerabilities

One of the most significant factors is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), an intense emotional response to perceived rejection or criticism that affects a large proportion of people with ADHD. RSD can cause someone to tolerate poor treatment simply to avoid the overwhelming pain of a relationship ending. Combined with impulsivity — which can lead to overlooking red flags in the early excitement of a new relationship — and a tendency to hyperfocus on a person of interest, people with ADHD may find themselves deeply enmeshed in a toxic dynamic before they have registered that anything is wrong. Research published in the Journal of Attention Disorders (2019) found that adults with ADHD report significantly higher rates of relationship conflict and emotional dysregulation than neurotypical controls.

Recognising a Toxic Pattern

A toxic relationship does not have to involve overt abuse. Common patterns include consistent belittling or dismissal of your experiences, manipulation that leaves you doubting your own perception (sometimes called gaslighting), unpredictable behaviour that keeps you in a state of anxious alertness, and a persistent imbalance where one person's needs consistently override the other's. For people with ADHD, these patterns can be especially disorienting because ADHD itself affects memory and self-perception — making it easy to internalise the toxic person's narrative that the problem is you. Taking a structured ADHD assessment and sharing the results with a therapist can help separate genuine ADHD traits from behaviour that has been weaponised against you.

Why Leaving Is Harder With ADHD

Executive dysfunction makes it difficult to plan and execute the practical steps involved in leaving a relationship — finding new housing, managing finances independently, navigating difficult conversations. Emotional dysregulation means the grief and anxiety of separation can feel insurmountable. And the same RSD that made leaving feel impossible in the first place continues to make the absence feel catastrophic. Understanding these ADHD-specific barriers is not an excuse to remain in a harmful situation; it is essential context for building a realistic exit plan. Working with an ADHD-informed therapist or coach, and leaning on a trusted support network, can bridge the gap between knowing you need to leave and actually being able to do it.

Practical Steps Forward

Whether you are still in a toxic relationship or rebuilding after one, several strategies are particularly effective for people with ADHD. First, externalise your reality: keep a journal or voice-memo log of incidents so that your memory — which may be unreliable under stress — does not become a tool used against you. Second, build your ADHD support structure before you need it in a crisis: medication reviews, therapy, exercise routines, and financial literacy all reduce the vulnerabilities that toxic people exploit. Third, practise recognising your emotional responses; resources on ADHD and emotional dysregulation can help you identify RSD flare-ups as distinct from accurate assessments of a situation. Finally, remember that the traits that made you vulnerable — empathy, intensity, loyalty, creativity — are also genuine strengths. With the right support, people with ADHD consistently build deeply rewarding, reciprocal relationships.

Dr. Adeel Sarwar, PhD, is a mental health professional specialising in a broad spectrum of psychological conditions such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, eating disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Armed with years of experience and extensive training in evidence-based therapeutic practices, Dr. Sarwar is deeply committed to delivering empathetic and highly effective treatment.